Guinea Pig Tale

The Graph of Life They say is life is full of ups and downs. And it’s true too. Sometimes life is at an ecstatic A level. Then it might sink down to a miserable level C. Most of the time though, we spend our lives floating in the normal B range - neither too happy, nor too sad.  It’s a little different for me. My graph looks somewhat like this:   It’s like someone has stamped on all the peaks. The whole thing sinks down a few notches, and it’s just impossible for emotions to go beyond a level (A#). It’s not like there isn’t any happiness, but you never hit euphoria. Most of your time is spent trying to run away from the horrifying depths of grief, and staying at that crucial level of sanity. As few weeks back, I thought I was close to acceptance and moving on. The numbness was beginning to fade and everything seemed less unbelievable than a month ago. Then one night, while trawling the net, something caught my eye. “Bolton Wanderers pl...

There’s layer of fine dust over everything in the house, and I’m thinking of how it will take another week to get the damn thing out of every surface, crack and hole in the house. Now, ordinarily, Hindu families avoid any new construction or major purchases for a year after a family member’s death. This job, however, was started by my father, and so we decided to complete it. I stare outside at the hazy excuse of a night sky and I have a sudden moment when everything appears hollow, shallow and meaningless. Unreal. It’s always at night that it’s the worst. When you’re all alone in the darkness with your thoughts, with no TV or guests or internet to distract you. When it hits you just as hard as the first day that there will be no father to wake you up, smile proudly at your test scores, to sing along anymore. People assume you look for an escape from the sadness, and so everyone gives the same advice: let life go on. I object. I don’t want to move on, or let life go ...